Pixel Imperfect

Lost My Train Ticket! I need to get back on the train folks. I fell off when I graduated high school, and I haven't been able to get back on in some time. Sometimes, the train stops and I wander around one of the cars for a moment or two. Sometimes, they're cars that I'm not even allowed in! Regardless, the conducter always kicks me off before the train gets moving. Why? I guess I don't have a ticket. What train? You may find yourself asking. Well, duh! Didn't you know? It's the relationship train! See, you know how your friends who have boyfriends or girlfriends, always have a boyfriend or girlfriend? And how your friends who don't have one never have one? And then, once in a while, someone switches. A girl who's been single for the past three years gets a guy and even when they break up, she's somehow able to find another one! Or when the girl who has always had a boyfriend breaks up with her latest and greatest and she never gets ano

Sometimes when you work with kids who have speech impairments, you just have to laugh. It's like Bill Cosby said: Kids say the darndest things, and they really do. Damn straight. For example, a lot of preschool-age boys really like to talk about trucks, and a lot of preschool age boys also have developmental speech delays which cause them to substitute the " f " - sound for the consonant cluster " tr ". This means that when the little guys I work with are in particularly chatty moods, I get to hear all about fire fucks, garbage fucks, tow fucks, Transformer fucks, Power Ranger fucks, fast blue fucks, fucks with sirens, fucks with ladders, fucks with lots of wheels, fucks with motorcycles in the back, really big long fucks, etc. And although speech impairments are clearly no laughing matter, I just figure if you can't laugh at that, what can you laugh at? -- Eric's Blog

Things you learn from The Sweet Potato Queens Book of Love *You must actually get to know someone at least slightly before you can hate him or her. You can't really hate someone with out hearing their story. That's the way I see it. *Randomly alternating between a man's sucesses and failures with you will keep him interested. If you keep letting him win, he'll get bored. If you keep letting him loose, he'll shrivle up. Happy medium, girls. *The promise of a blowjob will get any guy to do anything for you. I said the promise of one, not the doleing out of. Best done in groups. "If you do this one li'l ole thing for us, all six of us will give you a blow job." *If a man is paying too much attention to his apperance, he's not paying nearly enough attention to us. Obvious, girls. *Be Particular Don't pick the first thing that comes along. Pick and choose. Be selective *Always shave your legs -- and whatever else needs to be hairless.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. *** Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. *** Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Last night I was bouncing off the fucking walls. That's right. I said fucking. Why? Well, what am I to do when the walls are copulating. Sure, there are better words. Coitus. Love-Making. Intercourse. But let's face it, walls don't really know much about love. Anyway, as I was bouncing off the copulating walls, I was also phoning all my acquaintances who might be interested in a late night latte. There weren't many. Most were out of state, didn't stay up late, or couldn't receive phone calls at such ungodly hours as ten forty-five p.m. Past Morning. Those douches. No, they're not really douches. I wouldn't give hugs to douches and I hug all my friends. I couldn't find one person who would appreciate a late night latte in Anderson or even Greenville. Hell, I didn't even want to stay in Anderson. I walked into the dark common room. Kelli was in Dan's room on the phone. Dan was in Boston. I jumped up and down, but the floors weren'

I had such an effing good time! oh my goodness. THAT'S RIGHT! I said EFFING! Hahaha. I really ought to be working out right now... but I will do that in a bit. Oh what is that ef word? I forget. It's not fantastic, is it? Oh well. This is really really mindless because I'm slightly out of it.... Oh dear heavens... school today was unruly. UNRULY! And, thats in comparison to how they usually are! Children biting children over "Ten Little Ladybugs" a sweetly delightful book. Children screaming like banshees. Children rapping and rapping about parts of the anatomy. Jumping up and running all over the room because I WAS THE ONLY ADULT IN THERE. Heavens to betsy (which, by the way, is completely of unknown origin! Nobody knows where that saying came from! Why heaven? Who's betsy? Isn't that grand...) What the hell were they thinking? It was ... exhausting... and my shoes are no longer phat. And I'm racist and a bitch... I think I'm the bomb di

I've been talking with this guy on the phone a lot lately. It's just great talking with him... I enjoy it so much... I can't believe that we talk on the phone for hours and it's all a wonderful stream of conversation. I really love it. It's not at all like I'm talking to someone I barely know. It's like talking with an old friend. It's great. He was supposed to call me last night but he got in late, so he didn't. See, I had told him I'd be in bed by midnight and he got in past that. In reality, I'd gone to bed at 10:30, so good that he didn't phone. He called at nine am, though. I thougth that was way sweet. I love that he called me in the morning and that he wants me to call him over the weekend even though I insist I am not bringing my cell with me. Makes me feel like I have something worth saying. Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and m

I'm going to Myrtle Beach this weekend. God, I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to this weekend. I leave in fifty-six minutes. I'm madly excited. I'm really looking forward to this trip! I haven't slipped into my sweet swimsuit since August! I am packing a wonderfully spring, beachy set of clothing to wear and it will be nice to get away from my cell phone. I adore Lisa and Carlos. I rather look up to them. It will be nice to spend some time with them. I intend on waking up early in the morning to go for walks on the beach wearing capris and a sweat shirt. Take my journal and scribble down how beautiful the crashing ocean is. You know, I haven't seen the ocean in so long. It's so incredibly beautiful. Then I'll return to the hotel room and join whoever is away in a cup of coffee, maybe some quiet conversation. Then the kids will awake and I'll switch to babysitter mode. I'm not babysitting them, but that's what 5 and 9

I'm still having a tough time getting up in the morning and going to work at Clinical Day Program. Sometimes, I just want to quit. I really want to quit. I like working at the Anderson Free Clinic. I like JustFaith. I likemost everything else about being here. Except working at the CDP. Which is sad, because that composes the majority of my time... I don't like it. I'm not cut out for this CDP shaped hole. I cry myself to sleep because I'm so upset... I keep taking these breaks, thinking that they will rejuvenate me and I won't hate working so much, but I dread coming home and returning to work. I've got a weekend at Myrtle Beach in a little over a week, and two weeks after that, I've got the FVM spring retreat. The weekend after that is the CDP spring break as well as Holy Week. The weekend after that is our JustFaith closing retreat. I've got a million retreats. More, if I want them. But they aren't making things any better. Sometimes, I wonder if

I didn't say that the passion of Christ doesn't move me. But that the movie The Passion didn't move me. It didn't cause me to reflect anymore than any enactment of the passion I've seen. It didn't put any pictures in my head that I hadnt' already thought of. I know how gruesome it was and the awful weapons they used to torture him. But, it seems to me, that I would rather have never seen it. I haven't met anyone else with this idea. Everyone else in the theatre was in tears. Yet, I wasn't. My sister found this incredibly hard to believe, but what can I say? I don't know, when I tell people I didn't like it, they're thinking "ohh, she would rather remain blissfully ignorant. sigh..." Because people are like "did you not like what it made you think? is that it?/ did you not like seeing how it happened? is that it?" no no no no no! It's frustrating. All of a sudden I'm a horrible person because I didn't like o

10 cool places in the upstate: Oh, the places we go Downtown Underground This Mecca for the service industry gets going when the downtown crew clocks out. And that's late. 3-a.m. late. Leave-when-it's- lights-out late. It's down a flight of steps, hence the name Underground. It's not the ripped T-shirt, karaoke-singing, drunk crowd. Most of the time you don't have to worry about elbowroom or screaming above the din of the crowd. But after 1 a.m. on Friday, there's a line outside to get in the door. It's not open on Monday and if you don't have a membership, you probably won't get in unless you talk a member into signing you in. Memberships are free, but you have to wait 24 hours after applying. The Underground, 1 College St., Greenville. 864.421.9933. Mags "Mags" - as regulars call it, has been in Spartanburg for more than eight years. The two-story bar is a hangout for music fans and a meeting place for people after work.