Pixel Imperfect

A friend messaged me today about visiting. I told her I was going through a lot and it's not a good time. She said she understood, asked if I needed to talk, but I think she really needed to talk because she started telling me about her recent trauma which is actually a worst nightmare of mine (accidental ectopic pregnancy while on Kyleena IUP). She says she was having flashbacks to her rape. And I felt my anxiety rise. I already felt anxious about telling her I couldn't handle a visit right now, but now I felt more. I started to feel panicky. I vented to my teammates. I reminded myself that I'm safe. I suggested she speak to a trauma therapist. Reminder to myself that I am proud of myself for trying to set a boundary. I should not feel guilty for not being able to allow my friend unload on me. I do not have the capacity at this time.

Feeling extremely emotionally overwhelmed. Just had a talk with Dan that even I was offered the dream job right now, I don't think I could take it. Not right now, I'd need mental health time off. I'd need to take in a few months from now. Glad I have the part time gig. It's not mentally taxing. Now that I'm processing other stuff, food is less difficult. I don't have the mental space to fight about food I guess. But like, I am in a fitness challenge with some other friends (A POC group of ladies and theydies) and I realized that I can't even do that right now. I can do the step challenge because it doesn't require anything from me, my Garmin just has to sync. But I opened the challenge spreadsheet a few times today and I just couldn't. Feels dumb. Not dumb though. Man, I already have so many emotions and now I have MORE?!?! This is ridiculous. HOW MANY EMOTIONS CAN ONE GIRL HAVE? Anyway, I also today got an email from my ex (before evan) apologizing ...