Okay. I've tried and tried to compose an email to tell you how I'm feeling. Because, I'm really irritated. I don't want to pour out all my thoughts on you because, against my better judgement, I don't want to scare you off.
Here goes:
I miss you. I'm pissed at you. I don't feel like waiting for you. I want to spend time with you. I feel very one-sided. If Dan wasn't here to give me a big hug when you cancelled and tell me to give you time, I'd have dropped you already. I told you, I don't like to wait. I'm prepared to throw in the towel and tell you that if you want anything other than an extremly platonic, extremely casual friendship, I may be pissed enough to say acquanitance, you are SOL.
I get like then when forgotten. I'm irritated...
Posts
Against My Better Judgement...
I am really freaking irritated with Michael. But, of course, don't let them know they got to you, so I'm putting it here, where he can't read it. We were supposed to go out for coffee on Monday. He never showed up. And never called. I swallowed my pride and called him Wednesday night. We made arrangements to go out to coffee the next morning. He called me the next morning, about fifteen minutes before I expected him over, to tell me he couldn't make it. He double booked. He had something to do with his grandparents. Whatever. Well, I'll give him that because family is important. Truly, I was very upset. I was really looking forward to seeing him. Maybe I will send him an e-mail about how I feel. Well, I'm busy every night this week. I'd sorta rather not see him for a while. I miss him, but it's just so one-sided....
Well, I wrote this e-mail to Miguel, but I've decided not to send it...
Miguel--
Against my
Re-appearing Jake!
The last post is for Rob. Rob is a friend of Dissapearing Jake... Umm, I mean, REappearing Jake! Craziness! Jake C called me last night! We chatted.
Oh my God...
Mary?
Where the hell have you been (jovially)
Working, you know
Hahaha. And he said he hadn't been ignoring me, he'd thought about me a lot. He said he hadn't been ignorning my calls, he'd kept meaning to return them but kept forgetting. Rest assured folks, if this were anything but platonic, it wouldn't stand. But it's platonic.
Mwahahaha! I have hacked into MARY COMMENTARY!!!!!!!!!! No, only joking, I'm doing the so-called girl wonder a favor. :-) Go see my diary at www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=A959935. Selfish self promotion [hehe] never hurt no body.
Now, go down to the closest honky-tonk and do the boot-scootin' boogie!
<3 LadyTiffanyAnne
Sweet!
"You know, Mary," says Cheryl says in a psuedo-whisper, so only the people in the room can hear here. "I think he's sweet on you." She gestures towards the doorway through which Jeff just walked.
"Everyone's sweet on me!" I wink and all the girls laugh.
"Yea, Mary flirts with everybody," agrees Janet.
So, yes. I do flirt with everybody. And I rather enjoy it! But what is the problem here? Well, leading people on, of course! If one flirts with many, many may assume one is sweet on them. What if my intention isn't to flirt? What if it's just to be friendly? Because, really, mostly... that's all I see it as. Being friendly. But today, I swear Patrick was flirting with me. He is a seriously friendly guy. He has so many girl friends. And by that I mean friends that are female. But he was being silly today. I called his office, and there was no answer, but he called me back. It went sorta like this:
&
I pressed three clovers, two butter cups, and three purple unidentified flowers in my new journal. It makes me happy to look at them. It reminds me that my old journal is practically full. Of course, I'm talking about a real, paper journal. Not this mess of pixels and data. Dan asked me what I write about in my journal. Everything. What is there not to write? Generally, I write a bit less in my real journal. But I have hard copies of Mary Commentary.
Okay, swear to the heavens, I have nothing to write about y'all... Truth is, my mind is on Miguel. I cringe to write this, because he might read it... And maybe that's not the way I wanna talk about it. But it is my journal. I'll write whatever I damn well please.
I wish it could be how it was before we even talked about his leaving. Or, I wish we wouldn't broach the subject at all. Anything inbetween has me feeling sticky. Of course, there is going to be inbetween. There has to be. You can just jump off a plane
Mayonaise
Today I was incredibly productive at the Free Clinic. I managed to smash a framed picture to the ground while filing. I did a good bit of filing. Jeff claimed I was trashing Kathryn's office but in the end was very nice in helping me clean up. And by that I mean he did most of the cleaning up. Jeff is way cool. So much fun to work with. Everyone should have a Jeff to work with. Preferably one that doesn't swipe so many green dots. He does, however, have a neat tattoo of a jester/skull and cross-bones on his back.
So, Miguel said we would talk. He also said we'd go out last night. Well, that if forgivable, you see, he did not come over. But he's been less than 48 hours in the country. I'm not free any other evenings this week until Saturday. Though, I may do my best to fill that.
What do you dream about? Name/Nickname: Age: Zodiac Sign: Aquarius Aries Cancer Capricorn Gemini Leo Libra Pisces Sagittarius Scorpio Taurus Virgo Fav. Color Combo: Blue/Silver Black/White Grey/Red Green/Gold Pink/Black Purple/Black Blue/Orange Black/Red Mix and match these None of these Your dreams generally include: Dark alleyways or other small, dark spaces Approximate number of monthly nightmares: 136 The worst monster you've seen in a dream: Your dreams are usually in black and white Percentage of dreams involving sex - 66% Will your dreams ever come true? (8) - You may rely on it. - (8)
This QuickKwiz by cutelilangelx - Taken 21484 Times.
-1
Ah, you may have noticed that the countdown is finished. Yes, my friends, Miguel is home. I went to pick him up from the Atlanta airport. I drove two hours. Stood waiting for fourty minutes. In heels. Ah! He is spotted! Ah... he does not spot me. Ah... he's walking... right... past me. "Michael!" I jump out and embrace him. Ahh.. :-D Ah. it's not quite so warmly reciprocated. Oh, well, he's been off the plane but a few minutes. Give him a breather. Breath. Ahhhh....
Baggage found. Car eventually found. We are now in car. Ahh, still no kiss. Nope. He looked at me when we got into the car and knew just what I was thinking. "No, no, no..." says Miguel. So, no kiss. Oh-kay. Whatever.
Downtown Atlanta. Where, oh where, is that Tapas place I'd found before. For all my life, I could not find Virginia and Highlands. He could not find his way to Briarwood. We drive off. We shall eat elsewhere.
Frustrated I tell him I wish I'd know that
Sugar. Sugar? Yes, quite possibly.
It is sprinkling outside. Not nearly enough percipitation to merit an umbrella-- a device that I have up to this time loathed, slaping Christopher's paw when he would reach for it. Why would one take away the sweet feeling of rain drops on your skin? The way hair and clothes adhere to your body when you're drenched. It's really a wonderful feeling. What's better than a wet kiss in the rain. Now, rain is not so delightful when you've got on glasses... But, I switched to contacts more than three years ago, folks! I love running through the rain. Embracing the sweet summer showers. The rivers of water drizzling down your body. It's incredibly freeing. Like dancing in parking lots, my friend. It's a healthy occasional pasttime.
Why then , might you ask, would you of all people, Mary, take an umbrella out on a day such as this? Why? When it's just sprinkling enough to make the parched earth eager for more...
As
3
I found myself in Greenville this morning. Well, I may have put myself there. And by that I mean, I did wake at 9:30 and take Sparky, dear Sparky, to Greenville. You see, I needed this light blue, collared, sleeve-less top. It's really pretty. It goes very well with this earring and neckless set I have. It might also go well with my white Bongo's and white heels and light blue toe-nail polish. And, that might be the planned outfit for Sunday. Yes, I am one of those sad girls who plans every outfit. Especially outfits that might find them at the Atlanta airport on Sunday picking up dear friends named Michael.
I think it is also important to let everyone know that today was a very good hair day. Up, down, wind-blown, it simply looked good. The secret? Day old hair. Hair often looks its best when its a day old. It is a beauty secret to not wash your hair the day of prom. Wash it the day before. Then, they day of prom it will look better and stay in place better.
Anyw
Seven Clovers
Seven. Seven clovers. Seven four-leafed clovers. Now, it might just be a fluke, and I tend to think it is, because before I filed the complaint, I could never find them. They, for me, simply did not exist. They didn't grow where I would walk. They were not. Then, I met this girl. Sadly, I do not remember her name. However, she did have this fabulous purple scarf! She was able to find four-leafed clovers like I never thought possible. She was able to find such clovers in mine own lawn! I was green in my envy. Why are some blessed with the four-leafed clover finding gift when I had been passed over? Oh, the misery...
When returning from Sunday tea, I complained loudly. Why could I never find four-leafed clovers? Why could some find such clovers in abundance while I sought in vain? Why? I sighed and cast my stare downward. I stopped abruptly. No. Not possible. Pas possible! (You know it's even more incredible when it's en Français...) There were, staring
4
Comment Posted
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this is what I found when I posted a comment to my sis' blog. The comment isn't there of course. I erased it. It would be where it said comment. It struck me as really freakin' hilarious that it would say "please confirm you are human below"
5
Hahah, Michael (miguel) sent me an e-mail and it said "hola" and i read it "holla." Well, that was amusing to me anyway.
funny, not so funny story that makes me laugh and people look at me strangely:
Once there was this guy named Bill.
Bill: Hi!
Bill was dating Lorraine
Lorraine: Hi! I'm Lorraine.
Bill: I love Lorraine
Lorraine: I love Bill!
But, Bill was starting to get tired of the relationship
Bill: *sigh*
Lorraine: Pay attention to me!!!
Then, Bill met Clearly
Clearly: Hi! I'm Clearly
Bill: You're cute!
And Bill and Clearly fell in love
(B+C=<3)
Or possibly infatuation
Bill: Umm...
But that's another story all together
Bill: Whew!
Bill was torn because he loved both Lorraine and Clearly
note written to Dissapearing Jake
I don't know why you "dissapeared," and for a time, it really ate at me. I suppose that was your intention. You seem to enjoy doing that. I really wondered for the week following. When you didn't answer your phone, I put it down it my books as one of those moments where you don't look back because anything more would not be enough. Of course, that may be crap, but the "poet's soul"* in me forces me to see the beauty in everything.
You did choose a horrible time, because I was just starting to get really down with my work. It was so stressful, frustrating and upsetting. And then my brother dissapeared and my dear friend Nathan told me that he will likely be shipping out to the war soon. I settled into a deep funk. I've been out of it for about two weeks, though. My dear brother reappeared. Nathan will be around for another few months yet. I am nearly out of the school (four days left, pour moi!) You probab
6
It's when your heart feels so full, you can't speak. It's when everything lines up and you can't stop talking. It's the soul in poetry and the movement it inspires. It's the way someone's hand can fit into yours so perfectly. It's the way you look into the stars and never know....
It's those nights we talked for hours. It's youth. It's life. It's spirit. It's inside jokes. It's waking up at 3 am to call someone you miss. It's the way a song can move you. It's dancing in parking lots to no music. It's comfort in silence. It's five hour phone conversations. It's making love to the stars. It's the crashing waves. It's the way Casablanca didn't end with a kiss. Anything more would not be enough
It's the magic of the moment.
I can't tell you the magic that was our moments together. I don't know how it went. It's something that simply is. To realize it is to obtain such depth, life, and truth. It was true expressions. It wa magical, beautiful, and fragile. It was temporary, and it is gone. Dwell on the expressions of life. They will always be there.
It's spending hours with someone and never knowing the need for words because at that moment, there aren't words enough. It's spending hours on the phone, never a pause in conversation and anything more would not be good enough. It's making love to the stars, singing sad moments, hands in the air, bare feet in the grass, running through the rain. You want to hold tight, but that would ruin it. Grace it and tuck the memories into your heart. Hold them there forever and don't let them slip away. You can't return to what it was, it won't be there. Leave with memories of love....
Natalie: Hello, David. I mean sir. Oh, shit, I can't believe I just did that. Oh and now I've gone and said "shit" - twice.
Prime Minister: Well, you could've said "fuck", and then we all would have been in trouble.
Natalie: Oh thank you sir. I had an awful premonition that I was going to fuck up my first day. Oh piss-it
[talking about her ex-boyfriend]
Natalie: He says no one's going to fancy a girl with thighs the size of big tree trunks. Not a nice guy, actually, in the end.
Prime Minister: Right. Goodness. Well, well. You know, being Prime Minister, I could just have him murdered.
[At the altar, just before Peter is married]
Peter: No surprises?
Mark: No surprises.
Peter: Not like the stag night?
Mark: Unlike the stag night.
Peter: Do you admit the Brazilian prostitutes were a mistake?
Mark: I do.
Peter: And it would have been much better if they'd not turned out to be men?
Mark: That is true .
Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer to me
So close that I can't see what's going on
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage!
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't WANNA scare her
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know
And when you looked into my eyes felt a sudden sense of urgency. Fascination casts a spell and you became more than just a mystery... and I think about you all the time... Is this fate? Is it my destiny that I think about you all the time? I no longer pretend to have my hand on the wheel...
Savage Garden -- Chained to You
Hangin' 'round downtown by myself and I had too cuch caffeine and I was thinkin' 'bout myself and then there she was in platform double suede, Yeah, there she was like disco lemonade
Marcy Playground -- Sex and Candy
9
Finally! I talked to Mrs Ridgeway! Are you reading this Katie? Probably not, I don't think she knows this blog. Just the Smart Pen. Well I talked to Mrs. Ridgeway. She was very understanding.... And then we went into Mrs. Metcalfe's room and talked about the kids. I can't put any of what we said in here obviously. I know people I know read this. If this was completely anonymous that'd be another story.
It's tough working there. Mrs. Ridgeway said I've been doing a really great job. I don't imagine there are too many 19-yr olds who can work at a school like that all year. Especially with the load I sometimes bear. When the teacher aide doesn't do anything and the teacher is out of the room, I sometimes have taught the class. Damn, this'll look good on a resume. I think this is something I'd like to do more in the future, now that I'm not so down about it! I really dig working with those kids. Uh-oh... there's another thought to c
How to Find a Boyfriend: 15 Tips from Professional Matchmakers
1. Be realistic.
2. Be a hot mama, not a prospective mama.
3. Make dating a priority.
4. Nix the ex talk.
5. Neurotics needn't apply.
6. Mind your manners.
7. Similarity breeds success.
8. Present a challenge.
9. Don't be a babbling brook.
10. Sunny side up.
11. Be a girl.
12. Look beyond his good looks.
13. Be mindful of that ole black magic.
14. Hold out before having sex.
15. Go with the flow.
18 Body Language Clues That Say He's Interested -- Definitely
He'll serve you an eyebrow flash.
His lips part.
His nostrils flare and his face generally "opens".
He'll try to attract your attention.
He'll stroke his tie or smooth a lapel.
He'll smooth or mess up his hair.
He'll fiddle with his socks and pull them up.
He'll stand with all his muscles pulled tight, to show his body off to best advantage.
He'll let you see him checking out your body.
He'll spread his legs while sitting opposite, to give you a crotch display.
He'll stand with hands on hips.
He'll play with the buttons on his jacket, buttoning and unbuttoning it.
He'll touch his face a lot, while looking at you.
He'll start squeezing his glass or can or roll it from side to side, slightly squeezing it as he does so.
He'll perch on the edge of his seat to get closer.
He'll guide you by putting his arm on your elbow or in the
5 Ways to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You
Hang Around Lots...but Then Be Unavailable
Several studies show repeated exposure to practically any stimulus makes us like it more (the only time it doesn't hold true is if our initial reaction to it is negative). So forget about being aloof, evasive, and unavailable in the beginning. Instead, find lots of excuses to spend time with him.
Now, pay attention, because this is the tricky part. Just when you're convinced you've won them over and they like you, start being a little less available. And then even less, until they hardly see you at all. You've now effectively instigated the "law of scarcity." We all know this one: people want what they can't have and by constantly being available, you diminish your value.
Don't Do Nice Things for Them. Let Them Do Nice Things for You
If you do something nice for someone, it makes you feel good on two levels. You feel pleased with yourself and ex
10 Traits Men Look for in a Girlfriend
By Francesca Di Meglio
1. She has a life of her own -- and it's pretty good to boot.
2. She never makes the first move.
3. She is sexy without being trampy.
4. She waits to have sex.
5. She does little things to show she cares.
6. She should be her boyfriend's best wingman -- err, wing woman.
7. She never turns on the pressure.
8. She does not take any crap -- from anyone.
9. A good woman always chooses a good man.
10. She knows that love is the biggest part of the mating equation.
11
So, I've figured it out. If it were a game of Shag Marry Cliff, Bredon would be the Shag and Miguel would be the Marry. See? Should I give up Miguel for a pretty face? No. Just shag him. hehehe... ohhh bad bad bad. Okay, well what? You don't expect me to cliff something that hot, do you?
Well, Miguel comes home in eleven days, not that I'm counting...
Barry University, Miami Shores, FL
Benedictine College, Atchinson, KS
Brescia University, Owensboro, KY
Catholic University of America, Washington, DC
Christian Brothers University, Memphis, TN
College of Notre Dame of Maryland, Baltimore, MD
Georgetown University, Washington, DC
Lyola College, Baltimore, MD
Loyola University, New Orleans, LA
Mount St Mary's College, Emmitsburg, MD
Newman University, Wichita, KS
Saint Leo University, Saint Leo, FL
St Thomas University, Miami, FL
Spring Hill College, Mobile, AL
Trinity College, Washington, DC
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Perfectly good reason for me NOT to have a boyfriend, no. 42:
I like boys a lot and I flirt with the major cuties. Such as Bredon. Bredon is wayyyy cute. We flirted back and forth. He's twenty. Good age. Junior at Winthrop. V cute, by the way. Have I mentioned that yet? I really dig his eyes. So, obviously, why should I have a boyfriend when I am wanting to flirt like mad with Bredon? Huh? Yea, that's what I thought
You will take the chance to notice that I met him April 10th. One of my "great days!" Ahh... and a great day it was, indeed...
Suckers....
16
I am like the hugest idoit. Guess what? TOMORROW is April 10th. I was thinking, madly, that Palm Sunday, which is the 4th, was the 10th. Observe:
GREAT DAYS: January 5, April 10, June 22
TOUGH DAYS: February 11, March 22, September 14
Okay. What is creepy here? hmm, the fact that Michael called me on April 10th? And I was freaking elated? The fact that March 22 was a day that I really really wanted to quit like madness? January 5th, I made plans to see Brian. Ehh, I wouldn't put that in the "great day" catagory. Good day, but not "Ahhh! MICHAEL CALLED ME!" great... February 11th I drove down to Chas. What was bad about that? I don't know. Traffic was awful.
But the April 10th really made me say: "oooh"
From the last posting.... but I fixed it......
Weeeelllll... I'm betting he'll call tomorrow, eh? You think? that'd be super. Tomorrow, fifteen days, not that I'm counting....
17 So, we all know I don't believe in this horoscope jizz but I love to read it. Here is my 2--4 forecast:: YOUR 2004 FORECAST You kick off 2004 in a great mood, with Mercury, the planet of mental energy, sitting pretty in your sign. Expect both romance and career to heat up this year! MIND, BODY AND SPIRIT As always, your health blossoms when you spend as much time outdoors as possible. In addition to your old favorite outdoor sports, consider new activities such as gardening and horseback riding. LOVE AND ROMANCE Your sex life gets spicy when Mars, the planet of sexual energy, slips into your opposite sign from April to May. Then Venus, that sweet planet of amour, has Cupid shooting his arrows your way from May to July! To top it off, look for midsummer travel to increase your romantic options. CAREER, MONEY AND MORE Once Jupiter goes direct on May 4, employment and career doors that were previously closed may magically open! Money should also begin to flow mo
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So, I dig it when daddy is spontaneous! I called him up today and I was like, So, Belmont is closed on the 1st and 15th and I'm audi on the 8th and you're audi on the 22... Let's go tomorrow! I don't have work tomorrow! You can get outta work, your like the boss, right? Okay, let's go!!!
And do you know what he said.
He said Okay, I'll be at your house between 10 and 11
Hahaha. That's cool. Reminds me of the time when we drove to Anderson to check out St. Mary's of the Angels for the FVM. We drove to A-town, bought a map and looked up St. Mary's in the phone book. And then we went there. And Fr. Dave was there, but he was on his way out. So we drove around Anderson and then went down town Greenville to check out this antique shop. I'd never enjoyed looking at antique stuff until then.
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"Once more I picked up the paper in its entirety. Supplements cascaded to the floor. I wondered whether they were numerous enough to constitute a drove.
Experimentally, I picked up the Business section. An equally large number of supplements fell to the ground. The Business section remained the same size.
I picked up the International Business section with similar consequences. Some of the consequences were in Japanese. I noted a small Japanese dictionary helpfully included. I examined the dictionary. It included a free copy of the Sunday Times, in Navajo."
-- Rum and Monkey
April 25!
Oh-kay. So guess who called me yesterday. From Espana! (what a freaking huge hint...) Michael B.! Yesss! It was sooo cool.
See, I got a call that was from +34515816988 or something like that and I was like whaatt? Not putting two and two together that the + means International call .... ie: Michael!
It was like
"Hello???"
"Hey, Mary!!! What's up?!"
"Uh, who is this...?"
"it's michael!"
"huh? Oh! Oh, freak! Oh my freaking gosh bit's of screaming. So, hey, How's it going?"
Yea, I'm rockin'. It was great :-D He'll be home in three weeks (why the hell did he keep saying two and a half weeks? I think he cannot count...) on April 25. I'm gonna go pick him up at ATL and we'll go out to eat. YEAA! :-D
I miss him a lot sometimes....
Like right now...
:-D
I can't believe he's gonna be home in (checks watch) twenty days!
Hehe *giggles school-girlishly...*
Songs stuck in my head right now:
I was standing all alone
You were leaning in to speak to me...
Acting like a mover shaker
Dancing to Madonna, then you kissed me...
I can't take any more!
Because I feel the magic all around you!
It's bringing me to my knees
Like I wanna be...
I gotta be chained to you...
(tell me it's madness, I barely know you...)
-- Chained To You by Savage Garden
Your love is better than ice cream
better than anything else that I've tried
and your love is better than ice cream
everyone here know how to fight
and it's a long way down
it's a long way down
it's a long way down to the place
where we started from
Your love is better than chocolate
better than anything else that I've tried
oh love is better than chocolate
everyone here knows how to cry
it's a long way down
it's a long way down
it's a long way down to the place
where we started from...
-- Ice Cream by Sarah McLach