If you were silent, do you think your friends would notice? I'm usually loud, jovial. I like to be seen as happy, whether I am or not. One day at lunch, I sat down. Someone asked me a question, I nodded my head. Tim commented on my mace earrings. I grinned and shook my head from side to side so they would bounce off my cheeks. Andrew asked why I wasn't saying anything.

"It's unusual to have a silent Mary."

I laughed and said that I hadn't meant to be silent. We moved to talk about the random things that friends will often talk about.

Today, I sat with my usual group of "friends;" the friends with whom I fit so well. And today, I was quiet. There is a difference between quiet and silent. Especially when the quiet is you sitting, unsmiling, going through the motions and the silent includes you grinning and playing with your earrings. However, no one noticed. Isn't it odd? I think if one of my friends was bummed, I'd notice. If the were quiet, distant, I'd try to bridge the gap. Bring them into the conversation, you know.

But maybe these friends know what I know: that, really, we are not friends at all.