Okay, I've figured somethings out. People who have been giving me advice are right: I need to feel comfortable in my own skin. I need time to figure out who I am, what I want, what is importat to me. Me, not someone else: just me. I realized I've been in some way attached to a guy: dating, pursuing, being pursued, recovering from break-up since 1998. Those times would just melt into one another. There wasn't any "mary time" between break-up recovery and pursuing or being pursued for the last 9 years.

Those are vital developmental years, you know? All of high school and five years after. I haven't had time to identify myself before I was slipping into something that fit well for him, or him, or him. No wonder my emotions are so fucked up.

Oh, this is funny, by the way, guys are giving good advice and girls are like: "call me if you need to talk." Every single situation. I guess that's just how girls are. Girls I don't hardly know even. But, it's nice to know that there are people out there I can call to talk to if I need to.

Comments

Anonymous said…
That's 'cause I don't quite know what to say. You know what's funny? What you are saying is exactly what I said after I broke up with Gideon. It even says in my scrapbook that the week before I broke up with him was the "week I found myself." Yeah, it took a lot more struggles for me to be comfortable with who I am. Yeah, I've gone in and out a lot. But I think something vitally important is to decided what it is that you want in life no matter what. Things that you'll do no matter who/where/what you end up with.
4/03/2007 2:58 AM
Anonymous said…
You're a good person Mary. You need to find the rugged individual within' you. When you do, you'll be at peace no matter what life throws your way.
-d
4/03/2007 4:12 AM
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