That's right. I self-medicate.

It helps having people you know in workout classes. During BodyPump yesterday, I decided that I would not stay for BodyCombat and I would much rather be at home playing video games. After BodyPump ended I collected my things and Lisa walked in.

Oh.

Hi Lisa! ... Yup, I do both BodyPump and BodyCombat on Tuesdays.

*Sigh*

So.... I stayed. And I thought longingly of Torchlight and of League of Legends. (Lisa also does Zumba and BodyPump on Thursdays. That is where I met her. Look at me, making acquaintances!)

I told Lisa, I have very specific reasons for choosing to do TWO HOURS on both Tuesday and Thursday (and occasionally BodyStep for an hour on Fridays. BECAUSE I'M MAD!)

My twin sister and I are going to the beach in three weeks, I tell her. I want to look better than her by then.

Lisa laughed and assures me that I will. (Y'hear that Tiffany? I Look Better Than You.) (JK) (Kinda)

...

I sometimes have to realize that I'm not a heifer. Because I still feel like one. Sometimes I think I have body dysmorphic disorder, because I when I stand in the mirror naked, I hate what I see. All of it. I feel like I'm looking at someone fat and hideous.

Not all the time though. Just when I haven't had my meds:

(What, you were expecting booze?)

Sometimes, it's tough learning to love yourself. All of yourself.

Which is weird ... because everyone knows I'm super awesome!

Plus I just bought a pair of size two pants, so there is not way I can possibly be construed as fat.