Word vomit

Feeling extremely emotionally overwhelmed. Just had a talk with Dan that even I was offered the dream job right now, I don't think I could take it. Not right now, I'd need mental health time off. I'd need to take in a few months from now. Glad I have the part time gig. It's not mentally taxing. Now that I'm processing other stuff, food is less difficult. I don't have the mental space to fight about food I guess.

But like, I am in a fitness challenge with some other friends (A POC group of ladies and theydies) and I realized that I can't even do that right now. I can do the step challenge because it doesn't require anything from me, my Garmin just has to sync. But I opened the challenge spreadsheet a few times today and I just couldn't. Feels dumb. Not dumb though.

Man, I already have so many emotions and now I have MORE?!?! This is ridiculous. HOW MANY EMOTIONS CAN ONE GIRL HAVE?

Anyway, I also today got an email from my ex (before evan) apologizing for how awful he was to me.  LIKE WOAH.



 

It goes on from there. ANYWAY


I just want someone to love me. I still feel that way. Even though I do have someone who loves me, deeply and wholesomely and fully. And I do feel his love! And my team loves me too. I am loveable, turns out. But still, when I say the words "I just want someone to love me" I kinda breakdown.

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