I feel that I am everything I think I'm not. I think that maybe I am actually shallow and innocent... but a different innocent. Many who know me will know that I am not innocent. Maybe I mean naive. Because maybe it is true that deep down, I really believe there is good worth fighting for. Maybe I still believe that they are all good. I think that one day, something will happen. And it will break my heart to see the evil that I never knew existed. Something will happen that will blow my mind and force me to forget the good worth fighting for. I will feel betrayed and broken. And it will be so very hard to resuce me.
If you were silent, do you think your friends would notice? I'm usually loud, jovial. I like to be seen as happy, whether I am or not. One day at lunch, I sat down. Someone asked me a question, I nodded my head. Tim commented on my mace earrings. I grinned and shook my head from side to side so they would bounce off my cheeks. Andrew asked why I wasn't saying anything. "It's unusual to have a silent Mary." I laughed and said that I hadn't meant to be silent. We moved to talk about the random things that friends will often talk about. Today, I sat with my usual group of "friends;" the friends with whom I fit so well. And today, I was quiet. There is a difference between quiet and silent. Especially when the quiet is you sitting, unsmiling, going through the motions and the silent includes you grinning and playing with your earrings. However, no one noticed. Isn't it odd? I think if one of my friends was bummed, I'd notice. If the were quiet, d...
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